Wherever You Are, Be There Totally

As I unroll my yoga mat in the space between my bed and the counter, just barely large enough for practice, I fold into lotus and stare absentmindedly at the chaos in front of me. All along the center of my mat is permanently discolored from when I've practiced outside and my earthen feet made their mark. Our rug is filthy and stained and no matter how many times I shake it and sweep the floor, there are still clumps of hair and dust clung to it. Dead bugs and degrading crumbs amass in corners where walls meet and the fibrous handmade broom does not reach. Three of the four shelves are stuffed with extraneous garbage that my roommate carelessly throws into disorganized piles that provide an abode for more clumps of hair, dust, and insects. The elderly neighbor's blaring puja machine has been reciting the same mantra for twenty minutes, as it does every day at 5:30 for a half hour. I close my eyes and listen, watch my thoughts pass, and observe resulting emotions. Many moments forgetting to breathe, my body heaves itself into some restorative, contemplative poses. The puja machine cuts off with an Om and the noise immediately becomes considerably more obnoxious Hindi commercials.


Breathe.

Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally.

- Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now, p. 82

I go over this selection in my head. I know this mess is metaphorical for something greater in my life situation. I can't change it, I've already tried to clean it and it never goes away. I can't remove myself from the situation, I live here.

If there is truly nothing that you can do to change your here and now, and you can't remove yourself from the situation, then accept your here and now totally by dropping all inner resistance. The false, unhappy self that loves feeling miserable, resentful, or sorry for itself can then no longer survive. This is called surrender. Surrender is not weakness. There is great strength in it. Only a surrendered person has spiritual power. Through surrender, you will be free internally of the situation. You may then find that the situation changes without any effort on your part. In any case, you are free.

-Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now, p. 83

I made it an astronomical fifteen minutes which consisted of ridiculous moments staring at the mess, lop-sided pigeons and lazy supine twists before I gave up and decided the best thing to help me overcome this wave of frustration was to write.

Since my work at the school has entirely dwindled and the grounds were deserted, the majority of my energy today was spent daydreaming about stepping off the airplane and walking into the biggest hug of my life courtesy of Brock's inviting arms. The predominant side of my mind justified this excitement, claiming it harmless. The other side warned me of the emotional suffering that arises through anxiously awaiting the future. At every given moment, I didn't care. I lay down in bed for a nap, slightly buzzing from the coffee an earlier that morning, and sat there for two hours continuously daydreaming, in and out of some sort of half-sleep.

It's so funny, every time I read The Power of Now, every word emanates relevancy and truth that it's really helped me overcome the many emotional cycles throughout my entire time working in India. My increasing frustration with my current living situation is partly the manifestation of my excitement and anxiety for the future to get here. But as I've realized, the future never comes. All you ever have is now.   And I attribute this realization to studying yoga. However disheveled my asanas may appear during times of internal struggle, it has truly been my time for honest inquiry and self-observation, naturally resulting in transformation and emotional balance.