I love me some fresh mango after a rewarding yoga practice in the garden next to our Kali shrine. Oh, the sights and tastes and smells I will miss about India.
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| Our lovely Kali shrine and garden outside of the hostel where I've designated to be my new yoga home. |
I’ve been practicing in our room and I really don’t like it because it’s cramped for space, it’s pretty messy and the floor is dirty and it doesn’t make me feel good afterwards. Last time I went outside to practice, the girls from the orphanage stared at me and kept bothering me, I didn’t like that either. So today I went outside and told myself if the girls tried to disrupt me that I would either make them practice with me or I would tell them the story of how Shiva incinerated Kama with his third eye when Kama distracted him from meditation. Luckily neither of those things happened, and I was undisturbed except for the ants crawling all over my mat, which meant I didn’t get to shavasana, and I endured a single mosquito bite. It also smells like shit because I think the sewage drain is somewhere not far from our place. Practicing outside is so much better than being in my windowless room in the AC though. I get nice and sweaty and I get to look at beautiful trees, our Kali shrine, and get closer to nature. I’ll take a mosquito bite or two over my dirty floor. I also have my own mental barriers that have been preventing me from practicing outside, like I'm worried people will judge me because I'm white and not Hindu, I prefer to wear a tanktop but I don't want to offend anyone with my immodesty, among other hurdles I just need to get over.
I think all of these obstacles are kind of like a test of dedication. One day, when I move into a new apartment, I’m going to ensure that I have clean wood floors with plenty of space for free movement without a mat. I look at it as if I need to earn that luxury through devotion to the yogic life. I also need to learn to exist around nature and its creatures, perhaps through modified practice (i.e., standing poses and standing meditation). After all, I’m the intruder in their world.
dude that exerpt is AWESOME. totally needed to hear that today.
ReplyDeletei found a yoga studio right down the street from where i am living, and im a meeting with the head yogi there in a few hours about getting me a "work for yoga" set up. basically im trying to get them to allow me to do work around the studio (anything they need done, i will do) in exchange for free yoga classes. i feel that this is not only going to help me be more involved with my practice, but also it helps me be closer to living like the meditation center taught me. SN Goenka told me there that an important part of living Vipassana is to be a renouncer. i know i am not ready to just renounce everything and become a monk, but i can find other ways to renounce. just like this. i will have a job, and its payment is my deeper understanding of yoga, thus myself and the universe.
love you!
It sounds like the idea of becoming a renouncer is growing stronger in your head. You never read that book I gave you about that German woman who became a Buddhist monk but she talks all about the hows and whys of detaching yourself from people. Maybe I'll read through that again. My brother disagrees with the whole concept of renunciation because he believes, and I agree with this, that humans need love and connectivity on a fundamental level. This runs through my mind every time I read about non-attachment. The only counter-argument I have is that humans need connectivity, but if you believe in reincarnation and you don't want to continue on in this worldly existence, then perhaps we need to let go of that desire for being with other people, and instead just Being. Then I could argue back, human existence isn't going to last much longer so we might as well make the most of it and delight in sensual pleasures. I was gonna say YOLO but we're talking about reincarnation... Womp.
DeleteWhat kind of yoga is it? Hope it works out for you. I like your idea of finding ways to be a renouncer without actually making the full commitment. Renouncing in the modern world. I think I do this to a certain extent, trying my best to live humbly within my means. (i.e., shopping second hand, taking bucket showers even though I could just as easily use the western shower we have.)
DeleteI just applied for a job at the Willy St Coop. My chances of getting hired are super slim and the application was hella rigorous but I had the time so I wrote some pretty good essays.
do not think of it as a desire to leave others.
ReplyDelete'Fame or Integrity: which is more important?
Money or Happiness: which is more valuable?
Success or Failure: which is more destructive?
If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never be truly fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.
Be content with what you have;
Rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.'
i love yoga and need to constantly be learning. however, if i want to get the best education, i need to pay for it. but, i am going to find a way to pay for it without money and instead by using my own hard work. that way i will appreciate what i am receiving so much more because i know i earned it. it also will make me more appreciative of the things i am given by others.
one of the greatest feelings in my life is giving/doing something for someone out of love from my heart, my being. but one of the hardest things for me is RECEIVING. i am starting to realize that others love to give just as much as i do.
and by renouncing a few things, it is helping me to practice that feeling of gratitude and thankfulness. it has helped me to realize love on the RECEIVING end instead of always on the GIVING end. by accepting help from others, i in turn help them.
first example is living with angela on yalls couch. i felt so much love because she let me stay there. i felt so much love because i needed a place to stay for a while, and by accepting the gift, our friendship became stronger. same thing with staying here at my uncles. and at the old summer house. through these experiences of not having a solid place to stay, i was forced to live in the now and i created some of the greatest memories i could ever ask for. here in texas, i was given a whole room to myself, food, shower, a pool, an opportunity to get to know this part of my family better. at the summer house, matthew gave me a whole room as well with free reign of the entire house. i even got to paint my room and make it the way i wanted. we also formed a friendship that will last for many lifetimes.
basically what i am saying, is dont look at it as a negative. look at renunciation as taking the path of least resistance. by letting love and the universe guide your life. so far, by me doing just that, my life has made more sense than it has since nepal.
“The modern view of life is one of struggle, and insistence that you had better have a good plan to defend, protect and provide for yourself. This comes from a fear-based mentality--fear of scarcity. The path of the heart gives no harbor to this fear. You must have faith that you will draw to yourself a bountiful life by simply being in that place of magnetic attraction- you believe in abundance, and you attract abundance.
The more you love, the more you attract experiences into your life to love. Its that simple. Perhaps too simple for us moderns-- we are suspicious of anything too simple or free. ‘you get what you pay for’ is an attitude that robs us of some of life’s simple and free truths. The awakened heart is one of life’s grandest simple truths.” -David Pond, Chakras for Beginners
girl you and that willy st are bound to be together. i just know it. i will have you in my thoughts!
ReplyDeletethe studio is called studio samadhi and they have lots of ahstanga, vinyasa fow, hatha, yin yoga, yang yoga, meditations, kundalini meditation, kirtan kundalini. two sundays a month they have in depth studies from 9am -630 pm!
its crazy because they just moved here to their new location too not long before i arrived.
i also found another studio that does poi and drum circles!! im going there on friday ^_^ there is also a community college right down the street that is brand new too. and my best friends mom has a place that i might be able to sell art work at and work on the weekends for gas money! if its not a sign that im in the right place, idk what is hahaha
It's comforting to hear that you know what you're doing and you're working towards something. Isn't it nice to have yoga as an anchor? I hope this new city can become the home you need, if that's what your looking for.
Deletedude. i just got out of an hour long meeting with the head of this studio. i got the work study accepted!!! i might even get to start tomorrow morning 0_0
ReplyDeletei went in thinking i would not be making any money just going to be getting the classes as payment, and then the head lady says she is in need of a nanny as well for her son haha and that on the side if i wanted i could do some work for her (paid) so i could save up to pay for the 9 month teacher training! life is good.